Inexplicable Sentiments

I don't know what love is, or what is it I'm feeling. I've had my fill of first loves, but this is similar, yet somewhat different... in a more certain way. Maybe it's because my maturity is pulling some strings behind my heart. I could be in love again.

P.S. I DON'T fancy guys, haha... No, seriously.

If someone asks me who she might be, I'll announce:"It's a most wonderful creation of God, trapped in the realms of my mind. A person whom I wanna blurt my funniest jokes to, just so I can hear her laugh more than anyone else. Every second drifting without her seems like a wasted eternal twilight of loneliness - like the deafening silence of a sanctum."

If someone asks me how long I've had these feelings, I'll recall:"Ever since she accidentally swam into my eyes; it took me an instant to fall in love, but a year to realize it. The 48 weeks that I spent knowing her, cannot compare to the last week that slithered by, because that week will evolve into the most meaningful years of being by her side and keeping her smiling."

If someone asks me if she shares my sentiments, I'll whisper:"I expect nothing, but hope she does. It doesn't matter anyway, because I'd be more content if she gives me the choice of pursuing her than disallowing me lest I get hurt, for that would be compensation enough for giving me these unwanted feelings. Accepting my decision to return them is the least I request."

If someone asks me if I'm afraid of the consequences, I'll grumble:"I'm scared... that it isn't love after all. Either that or I'm prone to falling in love with my friends. I could direct my focus to another person, and maybe I'll forget about the first girl and 'shop' for the second. ... The hell is up with me? I've got tons of other stuff to do and I'm sitting here solving my love network..."

If someone asks me if I could be confused between love and friendship, I'll admit:
"I don't think about her all the time, so I can't worry about her then. When a thought of her surfaces, it's always wondering what she's up to, and looking her up. It's getting harder blocking her from my mind lately; the building loneliness causes a searing pain in my heart too literal for imagination."

If someone asks me if I should "go for it already", I'll stutter:"I don't know how crazy I'll be if I'm rejected, or how awkward our friendship will be. I'm almost certain she likes someone... that's not me. Our different religions are by far, the greatest ordeal. Some will hail it, others will spurn it. I guess I'll wait... or not... I'd rather remain friends than be avoided. Maybe I could..."

If someone asks me if this should be a reason to feel hurt or painful, I'll weep:"It's simply because I don't have her. I don't know which is tougher: To love and not be reciprocated, or to be reciprocated but cut off by the glass of society's conventional judgement. Expressing myself so apparently could have just made it more burdensome, but it beats being 'surrounded in the illusions'."

If someone asks me if we'll be happy together, I'll argue:"When she has happiness, I'll be its insulator. When she has sadness, I'll share it with her. When she has fear, I'll hug her 'till our limbs go numb. When she has anger, I'll smile and let her hit me, and smile some more. A perfect relationship isn't 'happily ever after', it's about being there to love and be loved by these setbacks. To be happy because of the good things, as well as the bad - that's the 'perfectest' love of them all."

Conclusion:
Love is the strongest magnet in the universe. When a magnet is attracted to another, as long as you keep them 'in sight' of each other, they'll never lose the track between themselves, no matter how far you pull one away. When two magnets repel, they will never be a joint item, no matter how many times you push them together.

A repellent doesn't necessarily denote a lack of love, nor does an attraction signify the opposite. Repelling something easily represents the obstacles in love, while the attraction could be brought on by selfishness. The only solution is to turn the magnet around, so that forces are reversed. In those cases, the change from repelling to attracting is akin to hope in love, and the change from attracting to repelling indicates a separation.

Magnets are double-edged by nature, so is love. Whether you're meant to be... whether you're not meant to be... For whatever reasons, they're all determined by how we turn our own destinies around. The strength is conceived from our desires; the effort lies with how we live.