First Love

Overcome by the poetic temptress of my heart, I have mustered the words for my soulful nostalgia. Each and every single one of us has an experience -- so original, so ideal and wondrously illusive -- they morph into tantalising and vivid memories, unchanging in the tides of wisdom and age.

Mine is about this particular girl, with whom, from the age of 10 to 12, I fell in love. Irreplaceable as the first in my life to sow the seed of love, bask in its blossom, and wither it petal by petal. This sad, stubborn, tattered flower may refuse to ever turn over a new leaf. Breaking away from the past means setting a less conventional goal, but perhaps that would fill this abyss of yearning and grow into what the first flower could not. Somehow, somewhere, I hope she knows how much she was loved. 

Eternal Remembrance: Childhood's First Love

In the very first moment I laid eyes on you
My heart found and bloomed into a love so true
How young we were alive with pure innocence
Unbeknownst I was snared by newfound emotion
Your name, your voice; hypnotised in your presence
Why couldn't I say your name without tension?
How was I always so clumsy around your voice?
Yet, during those times I had been, without a pout
Never more happier and proud of my choice
That single glance I knew was born from fate's layout

It wasn't until that day, that I greeted you
The day when Mr. Low sat us together
"Um... Hello...” I said, a shy smile like I was new
Wondering if my hair had sprouted some antlers
On seeing you ignored me, it seemed like a cue
To forget everything I dreamt I could tell
But then you looked at me, for the first time as well
For a while, I was pelted by cupids' arrows
From then our relationship was set on their bows
To explore the verdict of destiny's trial

During weeks on end I was truly overjoyed
Everyday at school was a public holiday
... No, this was different, I could never be void
Of this precious feeling - a romantic getaway
Regardless of how long passed or the space between us
Because everyday in class I had you with me
I was living in an honest fantasy
We were one and the same with each passing time
And still I dared not confess to you on a dime
What method to use - probably sing a rhyme?

Alas regret preceded and forbade my thoughts
This I had never counted on to happen
Naivete had me down, saying forget-me-nots
Being conned by my fate occurred then, at the often
Beginning with a change in seating arrangement
Multiplied when you talked to another guy
Conversing intimately just as you and I
Overwhelmed, I was more cowardly than jealous
Even then, my feelings remained anonymous
As I watched your smiling face vanishing from life

Followed by distance from you in next year's classes
I was determined to obtain all passes
Desperate to rejoin you once more side by side
Striving toward success was all I had planned
Things like water, food and friends were secondary
Couldn't afford to lose a focus or worry
Another try was all I wanted and needed
Just one more attempt I had only required
Then lo and behold! My efforts paid off rightly
Seeing you after what felt like a century

I kept waiting for you to rekindle our spark
Enduring time's torture so wrenchingly aching
My mind was on the edge of collapsing
When at this point, a friend came sneaking with a 'hark!'
With a message containing something from you to me
Punctuated with piercing and hurtful comments
Blinded by rage, I assumed that you'd mocked me
So I craved to return what gave my heart dents
Upon submitting my insensitive reply
That friend laughed and told me he had played my head

I couldn't believe my own words, and before I knew it
Everyone in class was pointing and chuckling
Except you... You just sat there, not responding
While the class bullies displayed my confession
Writing it on the white board amidst confusion
I was held down by the rest of the students
Suddenly, the teacher walked in, her face in anger
She scolded me for not maintaining order
Since I was responsible... I was class monitor
In an instant I had lost everything, for good

The year ended fast, there was nothing I could do
Situations where I could make amends wouldn't brew
You never looked at me again, only thing I knew
My parents and sibling teased saying "puppy love"
But if I loved you until now, would it still be?
Countless grief-filled nights robbed me of peaceful sleep
Dreams of so near yet so far; reasons I couldn't see
Tears streamed down when I closed my eyes, it wasn't fair...
Even as I'm writing this, I can't help but ponder
If I'll ever meet you to utter a 'sorry'

Well, so much for my life story...